This Will Buff Right Out...

You might be a redneck if...you have to duct tape your mirror to your car.

There was a little incident with an aggressive, jumping, orange traffic barrel last night.  I think I'd be more ticked if I weren't absolutely convinced that this will buff right out!  =o)

Back Behind the Wheel

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

My Christmas "break" this year reminded me a lot of the classic Disneyland attraction "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride."  I think that the amusement park ride is based on a book called "The Wind in the Willows", but the ride is located just on the other side of Sleeping Beauty's castle and it totally old-school, but really fun.  If you haven't been on it, you need to try it next time you visit the Magic Kingdom.

I already blogged about "The Vomit Comet."  Here's a quick recap:  R. started yakking the night before J. drove to Arizona.  Then during, the ride S. started barffing.  Then, not to be outdone, E. followed suit.  When J. got out of the car to clean E. up, J. picked up E. and E. promptly ralphed all over J.  Fun times!

Then, J. got sick the day after they got there.  Our Christmas Vacation was off to a great start!

My drive was perhaps just as wild--minus the puking.

I started off by managing to injure myself before I even left the house.  In short, I had an accidental run in with the refrigerator.  The fridge is fine, but I wasn't so lucky.  Yes, I drew blood and yes, it left a mark.  The details are too embarrassing to document.  Fortunately, I didn't have to go to the E.R. for stitches, mostly because I didn't want to spend Christmas Eve hanging out at the hospital.

Not something you want to mess with...

Once I actually got on the road, I had a near miss on the highway.  Somewhere on a two lane stretch of I-10, in the middle of the Arizona desert, I found myself in the blind spot of a double trailer semi-truck (see above).  The semi and I were both doing about 80 mph.  Unfortunately, the semi had a pick up truck towing a fifth wheel trailer in his lane up ahead of him, and as we barrelled toward the trailer toting pickup truck, I realized that the semi was never going to be able to slow down in time to avoid crashing into the fifth wheel.

Nevertheless, the semi slammed on its breaks.  I tried to move to the left to give some extra space for maneuvering to the semi, but I only had half a lane of clearance on the left shoulder of the highway before I would have hit the soft dirt in the median.  I could only pray that the semi wouldn't swerve to the left and take me out to avoid a fiery collision that would imperil the family that was towing the trailer.

Since I wasn't driving my Ferrari on this trip, there was no way I could accelerate out of the danger zone.  I was surprisingly calm as I became a spectator.  My fate was sealed and there was literally nothing that I could do to change it.

Finally, at the last possible second, the semi swerved to the other side of the pickup truck and trailer and flew past them on the right shoulder of the highway.  Great clouds of dust and dirt got kicked up, but all were spared.  I still don't know how the driver of the semi pulled it off, but I am grateful!  It truly was an answer to prayers!

No Room in the Inn

I got safely to Arizona only to find that our family, in the spirit of the Christmas holidays, had decided to re-enact the Nativity at my in-laws' house.  Since there weren't enough beds for everyone, my family decided to put a modern, Survivor-like twist on this traditional story and "voted out" one family member since there wasn't enough "room in the inn."

The end result was that J. and the kids got to take the bed in the bedroom and "Joseph" got to take the floor in front of the Christmas tree.  All I can say is that once Santa delivered his presents, I made sure that they were safely guarded.

Best move of the trip:  Remembering to bring my own pillow, sheet, and blanket so that the sleeping accommodations were somewhat comfortable.  An Eagle Scout is always prepared!

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

I finished reading "The Help" on the trip.  The book was awesome!  It came as a total surprise, so thanks to everyone that recommended it!  (Kaari, I'm still waiting on your report on your two bios that you were reading over the break...)

I was so excited to see the movie after reading the book that I had to force myself not to go rent it before I finished the book.  All I can say is that after reading the book, the movie was a letdown!  (I actually have to finish watching the movie, since I fell asleep somewhere in the middle.)

It's probably unfair to compare the movie to the book, but I think it actually says more about how much I liked the book rather than vice versa.  I actually think that the movie was good, but the book was great--head and shoulders better.  I guess that's pretty much how it usually is...

Silent Night
I don't know how "silent" the nights were (especially when E. decides to get up in the middle of the night and tried to kick me out of my sleeping accommodations so that she could watch Dora the Exploradora), but there was plenty of stuff going on.  The kids loved being with their AZ cousins.  We had family parties, family dinners, family get-togethers--lots of quality time with the family and extended family.

We also saw saw a couple of movies...somehow I managed to survive the latest Alvin and the Chipmunks offering ("Chipwrecked"???).  I would have been much more bitter except for the fact that the kids really did seem to love it and somehow we got the whole family into the theater for about $15 bucks, so that took some of the sting out of it.

Best movie of the break (in a theatre): Sherlock Holmes (Game of Shadows???  I'm really testing my memory here trying to come up with these movie names).  It was really good, even though if you blink you're sure to miss some important detail!  Thanks to Amy and Scott H. for going with us to see it.

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

Well, it wasn't a white Christmas, but it sure was a cold one!  Maybe it was because I constantly felt like I was about to come down with a cold.  Maybe it was because I packed like I was going to Arizona in the middle of the summer.  But I can tell that there is currently no evidence of global warning in the greater Phoenix-Mesa metropolitan area.  I couldn't have picked a worse time to omit my cold weather gear from my packing list!  Next time, I really need to be "more" prepared!

Feasts For Us--But No Festivus
We ate well at the holiday events.  The food, desserts, and company was so, so good!

Also fun was the chance to finally eat at a Waffle House.  I've been wanting to try it ever since I read a book written by a former Waffle House employee about a year ago.  I took the boys and they really had a good time too!

The boys loved the grits!  Yes, we are that classy...

(If anyone is looking for an interesting, really funny read about the roots of our current financial crisis, I highly recommend "Waffle Street.")

I'll Be Home For Christmas
Fortunately, after all the trauma and drama, blood and guts, sickness and health, and fun and excitement, the drive home was almost completely uneventful.  Our trip was a wild ride, but still fun and we were very grateful to get home safe and sound!

If you're still traveling this holiday season, please be alert out there and drive safely!!  :)

Back to Mesa

Sometime in the next 24 hours, I will be driving to Mesa, Arizona to pass the Christmas Holidays with the in-laws.  I think I'm contractually obligated to make this pilgrimage at least once every quadrennial.  It's a little known, but important, technicality that comes when you marry a Mesa girl.

Fortunately, I love J.'s family and I also love Mesa.  And I have a lot of family there.  It's one of those places that I wish I had the chance to visit more often.  And whenever I'm there, I feel like there's never enough time to do everything that I'd like to do.

The drive out should be fun, even though I will have to do it by myself.  I hope to avoid the bouts of "projectile vomiting" that have beset our family this week.  Wednesday night, J. went to go see "Wicked" in Los Angeles with a friend.  I got home from work and had just paid the babysitter when one of my kids came running downstairs to announce that my oldest son had just had a barf attack upstairs.

Cleaning it up was a lot of fun.  As I surveyed the scene, I felt a bit like a CSI investigator and wondered how my child had managed to get it everywhere but the bowl, the sink, or the porcelain fixture.

The next day, J. and the kids drove to Mesa without me because I had to work.   :(  R. was feeling a lot better and slept the whole way.  Our second son, however, got hit with the bug and managed to "yak" (not "yuk") it up about an hour into a six hour drive.  Then E., the youngest got it too.  J. pulled over to clean up E.'s mess and E. managed to promptly  spew forth all over J.  Let's just say that apparently my kids have no trouble thinking (or throwing up at least) outside of the "box" (or barf bag as it were).

I think J. was pretty relieved when she finally pulled into town!  I told her to just take the car and get it detailed!!  I figured it was the least I could do since she had to suffer through the whole thing on her own!

I'm sure my kids must have felt the Christmas Spirit so much, that they just wanted to give back--in their own special way!  (Just be glad that I decided to spare you the photos...)

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas...

Anyway, we will be enjoying an Arizona Christmas this year.  It won't be white unless you count the desert sand.  Hopefully it will be warm though!

(And if any of my friends or family in Mesa read this, we're looking forward to seeing you for Christmas!)