5 Random Thoughts For Fall

1.  One of my favorite things about Fall—pumpkin pie and pumpkin pie flavored items.  If you haven’t already, you really need to try the pumpkin pie flavored shake at Jack In The Box.  Also, Jamba Juice usually has a pumpkin pie flavored smoothie!  Yum!

2.  I don’t know if I believe in Karma or not, but I realized today that the next season of the Bachelor will begin on Monday nights just as football season (and Monday Night Football) ends.  So the guys get something to keep them busy on Monday nights for now and then it will be the ladies’ turn.  Seems fair to me…

The Bachelorette Contestants for Sean Lowe's Upcoming Season

3.    It’s officially Fall now (I think).  There’s a lot to like living here in Southern California, but the change of seasons is not one of them.  Rather than getting the beautiful yellow, orange, and burnt red colors as the leaves change, we are basically stuck with brown.  Oh, if we’re really unlucky, we might get burnt leaves—but by “burnt” I don’t mean beautiful colorful leaves—I mean literally burnt, as in burned by one of California’s infamous Fall wild fires.

4.  For the first time, I walked outside my office today and felt a cool, briskness to the late afternoon breeze.  Our summer here has gone from hot to scorching hot.  I’m definitely looking forward to cooler temps (hopefully) soon.

5.  I read an article recently about how people are faking the need to use a wheelchair so they can skip the long airport security lines.  Then when it’s time to board the plane (or they clear security), they are miraculously cured.  I actually laughed out loud as a flight attendant was quoted at how her job permits her to ensure the safety of the passengers as well as feed the hungry (with yummy airline food and beverages) and heal the sick!  She may have a career in televangelism ahead of her!

Plus one bonus item:

I just read that Caveman Bachelor (Ben Flajnik) is officially "Splitsville" with model Courtney Robertson.  Man, I wish I could have seen that one coming!

Caveman + Courtney

Beauty and the Beast

Beauty and the Beast...But Which One is Which?

Did you see the final episode of the Caveman Bachelor season?  Neither did I.  But that's not going to stop me from blogging about it.  =o)

Apparently, Courtney (did you know that she's a model?) "won."  Which is probably about the same thing as winning an all-expenses paid trip to Toledo, Ohio.  Just because you "won" something, doesn't mean that you actually want it.

But Courtney and Caveman are perfect for each other.  I'm pretty sure that no one in America wants either one (although I was disappointed to hear some sort of rumor about Caveman and Jennifer Love Hewitt.  I'm pretty sure she's over him by now...Love, America knows you can do better!).  Look at the picture above.  It's from a recent weekend that the two spent in Las Vegas.  Thanks TMZ for reminding us how little we cared.

The real question is which one is Beauty and which one is the Beast?  I'd vote both of them as the Beast--one in the "Inner Beauty" category and one in the "Outer Beauty" category.

Here's my vote for Beauty:

Lindzi--Smiling Like the Cat Who Ate the Canary

Yes, Lindzi, in retrospect, wouldn't you agree that sometimes there's nothing wrong with being "second best?"

So now we close the chapter on Season 16 of the Bachelor (aka Caveman Bachelor).  I'd like to think that Chris Harrison and Mike Fleiss--who I'm sure are regular readers of my blog (haha)--listened to my suggestions when they picked Emily Maynard as the next Bachelorette.

Southern Grace

Nobody is going to mistake her for the Missing Link...

  

The Clan of the Cave Bear

Darryl Hannah stars as the more evolved "outsider" in this 1986 film (two years after "Splash")

This week's episode of The Bachelor reminded me of an old movie that starred Darryl Hannah--The Clan of the Cave Bear.  In the movie, Ayla (Darryl Hannah) is separated from her Cro-Magnon tribe and adopted into a tribe of Neanderthals.  She is more intelligent and evolved than those around her and endures abuse and criticism because of her status.

****Disclaimer--I plagiarized that summary from Netflix since I don't think I've ever actually seen the movie.  The episode still reminded me of the movie though!****

This week's episode was basically the opposite of that.  Caveman--the Neanderthal--has been separated from his tribe of cave dwellers and is wandering around trying to find a new tribe of Homo Sapiens that will adopt him.  Much like Darryl Hannah, however, Caveman must endure abuse and criticism from the strange people around him (the contestant's families).

The "Hometowns"


Maybe I'm just turning into a grumpy old man, but does it bother anyone else that Caveman keeps referring to this week as the "Hometowns" like it's a verb, noun, and adjective all wrapped up into one?  Maybe it's just the way that he says it, but I wish he'd stop.

Lindzi C.

Lindzi C. got the first date

For some reason, I always thought that Lindzi was from Washington state.  I don't know why.  This says that she is from Florida.  Oh well.  I've always like her ever since she rode into the first episode on that horse.  Maybe I haven't really been paying all that close of attention.  I'm certainly not the only one this season guilty of that.

Lindzi had only ever brought one guy home before Caveman.  Lindzi's "ex" is the anonymous bloke who is now famous for the way he broke up with Lindzi.  He did it by text.  As if that weren't bad enough, his text said: "Welcome to Dumpsville...Population: You!"  Yes, that is cold.

Of course, any hometown date with Lindzi would not be complete without horses.  And Caveman got a chance to spend a lot of time with Lindzi and her horses.

"...the horse knows the way...!"  -- The "happy couple" struggled to
remember the words to "Jingle Bells" while riding together

Lindzi's parents seemed like a lot of fun and nice.  But what I really wanted to know was what the heck does this guy do for a living to live on such a beautiful ranch???!!

If Caveman were smart, he'd realize that you can marry more money in five minutes than you can make in a lifetime.

Caveman and Lindzi put on goofy hats and re-enacted the chariot race scene from Ben Hur.

Ben was smart and lost the chariot race to Lindzi's parents.  Even though losing made him have to pull Lindzi's parents' cart back to the house, it was worth it because they accepted him into the "fam" and told him he was always welcome to come back.

I thought it was obvious that Caveman had always liked Lindzi.  What was surprising was how he kept on emphasizing how far his


Kacie B.

Kacie B. Has Always Seemed to Have a Connection With Caveman

Caveman went to the great state of Tennessee for his date with Kacie B.  Kacie B. showed Caveman that she really knew how to make an entrance by greeting him with a marching band, a 21 gun salute, and a key to the city.

76 Trombones?  Kacie B.'s greeting for Caveman would have
done Professor Harold Hill proud.

Actually, only the first part was true (the marching band), but it was impressive nonetheless.  But then Kacie B. had to do something impressive before she dropped a mini-bomb on Caveman by telling him that her dad: (a) was a federal probation officer; and (b) doesn't drink.

Ben realized that this could be a problem because (a) Caveman is a wine maker whose business is booze and (b) he realized that Kacie B.'s dad probably carries a gun and knows how to use it.  It's enough to give any "marriage-minded" Neanderthal pause...

Kacie B. told her sister: "I'm doing what I want now!"

Kacie B. told us how she needed her sister's advice and counsel.  Then she went ahead and kinda sounded like a petulant child when Kacie B. declared that she was going to do what she wanted.  And further demanded that her parents trust her.  It all seemed a bit forced.

"Not a Believer" -- Kacie B.'s Dad is "very skeptical"

Caveman left his conversation with Kacie B.'s dad unsure of whether Kacie B.'s dad liked him.  Caveman, here's a tip...I don't think he did.  Caveman hoped at least that Kacie B.'s mom would be a little easier on him.  She wasn't.

Caveman is blown away when he finds out Kacie B.'s mom
would not approve of Kacie B. and Ben "shacking up" before the wedding...

Caveman lied through his teeth when he said that he was "glad" that Kacie B.'s parents "cared" enough to tell him not to live with their daughter before getting married.  Caveman thought that they were too over-protective of their daughter.  I actually found them a little refreshing that they didn't buy into all the Bachelor craziness.

Did anyone else notice that Caveman never actually promised that he would respect their wishes.  It seems like Caveman surrendered at that point in time--admitting to the confessional camera that he doubted that he would ever get their approval.

Kacie B.'s dad then told Kacie B. that he would not give his blessing to Caveman.  My respect for federal law enforcement officers is getting stronger every day!

Kacie B.'s reluctance to listen to her parents made me think that she is not as bright as I thought that she was. Needless to say, Kacie B. finished the date with more doubts than she had when she started.

Red Flags Are Flying...

Kacie B., when your family doesn't like the guy you're dating it's called a "red flag."  You ought to pay attention to them...


Nicki

Nicki--Another Favorite

Nicki is another favorite, but I feel as though she's gotten a lot less air time than other contestants--even those who have left before.

Nicki is from Texas.  She tells the camera that the last time she "brought someone home under these circumstances, [she] married him."  I guess that didn't work out so well, did it Nicki?

Name the Movie: "Texas!  Only steers and [something else] come from Texas...."

Nicki dished some Texas wisdom and played Cinderella as they went shopping for boots and cowboy hats.

Nicki:  "Finding the right boot is very similar to finding the right partner in life--
you have to get just the right fit."

I have to say that Nicki looked pretty cute in a ten gallon hat.  But then again, she is pretty cute, has a thousand watt smile, and a fun personality.  In other words, she's way out of Caveman's league.  ;)

We kept hearing about her failing marriage before.  I think that Caveman actually liked hearing about it because it made him think that Nicki was opening up to him.

Honestly though, it doesn't seem like Caveman is as into Nicki as some of the other girls, but I could be wrong.

Okay, is it just me or does Nicki have a great, natural, beautiful smile?
Her parents probably spent a fortune with her orthodontist!

Nicki dreaded the talk with her parents.  Mom noted that Nicki seemed to have a better connection with Caveman than Nicki did with her first husband.  I would hope so!

Nicki's dad seems like a great guy.  He told Nicki that he felt like he had let her down by agreeing to the marriage too easily the first time.  You can tell that he really cares about her.  Both of them got a bit teary eyed when Dad told Nicki: "I feel like I want to protect you forever."

Nicki stole Caveman away at the end of the date to tell him that she was in love with him.  I think she really believes it.  Caveman, ever the poet, confessed to us: "I have great gut feelings about Nicki."  I think that might be the highest compliment that any Neanderthal could ever give!

Lord Voldemort aka "You Know Who"

Guess Which One Is a Model?

Courtney got the last date.  In full disclosure, I skipped her whole date to Tivo to the end of the show to see who got eliminated at the Rose Ceremony.  So if you want to skip my summary of the date, I don't blame you.

I can barely believe anything Courtney says.  She started off the date saying two things, however.  One of them was true...one of them was a lie.  You get to pick which was which!  (I promise it won't be too hard....)

• "I am so happy to come home and I get to share [my home] with my favorite guy today."
• "I'm just so happy to be away from the [other] girls too."

If you picked #1 above, I'll give you one more chance to guess right!  ;)

Courtney is from Scottsdale.  Did you know that she is a model?  Caveman reminds himself of that every day.    In the end, I think it's the only thing that matters to him.  He knows that Courtney has had problems with the other girls, he says it would bother him to choose someone who rubs other people the other way, but he will find a way to make it work dang it!

Breaking Bread...

At lunch, Courtney could barely say how she felt about Ben with a straight face.  She sounded like a total robot: "He is smart.  He is funny.  I am so happy.  I like/love him.  :| "  No wonder her family seems to have doubts.

But let's remind ourselves, Courtney's family has been dealing with her for a lifetime, so I don't think that they take her or Caveman too seriously.  Courtney's dad wants some grandkids.  He laughed as he said that.  I think he was thinking that the joke was on Caveman.  Dad knows that Courtney has no intention of making little cave grandbabies with Caveman.

What Bachelor Recap would be complete without Courtney's famous pose?

Then things got weird.  Courtney took Caveman to a mock wedding.  Let me just say that if some girl pulled this on me, I'd run.  Especially if she was a psycho model who liked to purse her lips quite a bit.  It seemed like Caveman ate it up though.

Not Romantic...Just Weird...

Courtney had them right their own vows for her mock ceremony.  Shockingly, Caveman's were much better than Courtney's vows.  Even though Courtney told him that she "loved" him.  (Don't worry Bachelor nation--I think her fingers were crossed behind her back.)

"Almost Married" -- I can't decide if this is cute or tacky...

The Rose Ceremony

This is a long post already, so I'm going to cut to the chase here.  Kacie B. got the boot.  Honestly, I think her parents' insistence that Kacie B. and Caveman not live together before marriage was the deciding factor.  Probably that and the fact that Kacie B.'s dad is packing heat.

I like Kacie B. and I thought that she handled her departure with class.  Technically, she broke Brooke's rule. (See Rule #5...)  But it didn't bother me--I think the raw emotion seemed very real to me.

Kacie B. Struggles to Hold It In

In the limo, Kacie B. started going off.  Here is the transcript:

"It's not me.  I thought it was me.  I was stupid.  Why am I not good enough?  Like I don't get it.  This is why I don't love.  This is why.  I loved him.  And I don't know what to do now.  How did this happen?  What the *bleep* happened?  WHAT THE *bleep* HAPPENED?"

Caveman--ever the class act--got back to the girls and said: "Um...that was tough.  I'm kinda at a loss for words."  Then he proceeded to gush about how they were going to Switzerland next week.

Yeah Caveman, I don't think you really thought it was that tough to get rid of Kacie B.  Even if it did, I'm sure you'll push through it...sadly.

See you all next Monday!

Cold-Hearted

Has "Blue Steel" Met Its Match?

Courtney's a model.  She's not ashamed of it.  She owns it.  Like all the great models, she has her own signature pose.  Cindy Crawford had the "hip twist."  Derek Zoolander had "Blue Steel."  And Courtney has "That Funky Thing She Does With Her Lips."

In addition to being a model, Courtney is also a cold-hearted snake.  Look into her eyes.  But she hasn't been telling lies.  Instead, she gleefully tells the camera as well as her fellow contestants exactly what she thinks of them.  But more on that later...

Utah

The Bachelor Mansion is Missing In Action...

I think that the Bachelor Mansion is being foreclosed on.  So far this season, we've been everywhere but the infamous Bachelor Mansion.  Sonoma, San Franscisco, and now Park City, Utah.  Next week, we travel to Viecques, Puerto Rico (better known for being bombed by the U.S. Navy--true story), and next season we'll be filming on location in North Carolina.  I guess the housing crisis is for real now that even the Bachelor's regular digs are under siege.

But I was excited to see the Bachelor go to Utah.  The scenery didn't disappoint.  This was fall in Utah and the leaves were a brilliant blaze of yellow and other colors.  Best line about the scenery was Caveman from the helicopter: "It's just like a painting."

Yes Caveman, it's just like a painting--only real.  That's why they make paintings of things like this!

Rachel's Date

Pick the Actual Bachelor Contestant...

My friend Brooke thinks that Rachel looks like Heidi Klum.  I think she does, but I think she also looks like another famous Rachel--Rachel Hunter.

Rachel keeps reminding us that her last boyfriend broke up with her.  After seeing this date, we may know why.  She is a beautiful girl, but she just shut down during the date.  The producers really played up how awkward the silences were.  Of course, Caveman--with his bug-eyed blank look--did nothing to really help her feel at ease at all.

A Romantic Canoe Trip

The first part of the date involved a helicopter ride to a picture-esque secluded lake.  Fortunately, for Caveman and Rachel, it just happened to have a canoe there.  I couldn't help but notice that there "secluded" canoe trip also included thousands of flying insects (look closely at the picture).  I sure hope that they remembered to bring some bug repellant!

It's a good thing that the Bachelor producers didn't ask what I think about "romantic" canoe trips.  Let's just say that my marriage almost didn't survive a certain canoe trip around a Tahitian lagoon during our honeymoon.  Fortunately, I managed to keep J. calm enough to not capsize the canoe once she realized how far away the shore was, but I don't think she'll ever set foot in another canoe again in her life.

But back to the Bachelor...Dinner with Rachel only continued the awkwardness.  Again, part of the blame lies with Caveman.  His contribution to the dinner conversation consisted mostly of grunts, nods, and one word answers.  Then he dazzled us by explaining in the confessional that the specific problem with Rachel was just something that he couldn't "quite put his finger on."

Don't Think Too Hard Caveman...

The producers mocked us throughout dinner by showing us lingering shots of the rose.  I actually thought that Rachel's rose might be in jeopardy for a while.  It was going that bad.  Rachel actually said at one point in time: "Oh, this fire's getting hot."  But it wasn't the fire--she was on the hot seat and she knew it.

But then Rachel managed to open up about having a hard time opening up.  That small amount of honesty--coupled with her obvious good looks--were enough for Caveman.  She got the rose!  Phew!!

The Group Fishing Date aka "It's Not Really About Catching A Trout--It's More About Catching [Caveman]"

Caveman Makes His Own Dramatic Entrance

Okay, let's guess which contestant uttered that quote...anyone that said Courtney, please move to the front of the class.  I don't know why more contestants don't realize that, but it shows why Courtney seems to have made an impact on Caveman (besides the mere fact that she's a model).  She gets it and if the other girls want a shot, they need to realize that they need to impress Caveman--not make nice with the other girls.

These Waders Are Not Exactly Flattering To The Girls' Figures...

I'm not exactly a big fisherman, but it seemed like most of these girls ended up fly fishing in water that was about ankle deep.  Seems like it would be kinda hard to catch anything bigger than a minnow in water that shallow--but I'm no expert.

Note the Mustard Colored Hat on This Hot Dog...

Courtney instituted a plan to steal Caveman away from the girls.  Not only did it work--but Courtney actually got the only fish!  I think the fish were confused by Courtney's trademark "fish lips" pose.  Lindzi was pissed about Courtney's catch--both of them.  Courtney, of course, didn't miss the chance to rub it in to all the other contestants.

Courtney Will Kiss Anything To Win This "Competition"

That night Nicki (who I like) reminded us all that she had been on three group dates, dang it!  And she wanted a one-on-one "rendezvous" with Caveman!  So what did she do when she interrupted to get Caveman alone?  She thanked him for all of her group dates!  Then Caveman plunged the dagger in ever further by saying: "I feel like you thrive in the group setting."  Talk about damning with faint praise.

I'm Afraid Nicki May Be Stuck In The "Friends Zone"

Samantha's Awkward Moment...

It could have been worse.  Samantha complained to Caveman about being on three straight group dates and demanded a one-on-one "rendezvous."  Caveman was not impressed and sent her packing in the middle of the date.  Courtney, of course, was glad to see her go.  I think the picture below does a good job of capturing Samantha's surprise at finding out that not only was she NOT getting a one-on-one date, she was not even getting another night on the show.






What date with Courtney wouldn't be complete without her reminding us how difficult her life is as a model.  She laid it on thick about how "hard" it was for her to go through this process.

"Winning!"...Courtney's Got "The Look"

Caveman showed his sensitive side but reminding Courtney that he told her how he felt about her "last week" and that "it hadn't changed."

Oh Caveman, if only it were that easy!  I don't claim to know much about women, but I'm pretty sure you can't just tell your wife/significant other that you like them and then say: "Hey Babe, I'll be sure to let you know if my feelings for you ever change."  Maybe now we know the real reason that the Neanderthals went extinct!

Awkward...Courtney Walks In The Room As All the Other Girls Complain
About...Courtney

Courtney really is a piece of work.  Nobody seems to like her--not even the other girls.  We (the audience) knows it, the other girls know it, but Caveman fell for it hook, line, and sinker.  It's actually a little sad to see how much of a puppy dog he turns into around her.  I'm actually a little embarrassed for him that he could be fooled so easily.  Yikes!


Jennifer's Date

Caveman In His Element--A Cave

Jennifer's date was pretty boring.  They dove into a sinkhole/crater/cave, went scuba diving down there, had dinner, went to a Clay Walker concert, and I can barely remember it.  I remember that I could barely watch it at the time.  Sorry, if you want more details about this date, you'll have to try and catch it on Hulu!

Caveman fed us at least one bad pun by saying that he hoped that Jennifer could "take the plunge" with him into the crater.

Forget The Date...A Friend of Mine Actually Met Her In Person Recently!

I was more excited that a college buddy of mine bumped into her in the airport and got a picture with her!  =o)  (See the picture above...)

The Cocktail Party aka The Claws Come Out

Emily Drops the Dime On Courtney

Poor Emily. She broke one of the cardinal rules of The Bachelor and ratted out another contestant to the Bachelor.  She told Caveman what he should really think about Courtney.  Has that strategy ever worked?  I doubt it.  And Emily paid the price for her miscalculation.

Caveman even warned Emily that it would result in Emily's "own demise."  And he was right.  Here's a little tip: Ben is into Courtney--so don't go trash her to him.  He is not hearing that.  And he won't believe you.

Courtney's New "Look"?  She is shocked to find out that someone doesn't like her.

Courtney found out about it from the only person who apparently likes her besides Caveman (i.e. Courtney S.--though I have no idea why Casey S. likes her).  And then she brought the claws out.  Remember that old saying: "Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned?"  Courtney re-affirmed the truth of that saying in the episode.

In fact, the personal attacks got so bad that I thought I was listening to one of the Primary Debates for the Republican Presidential Nomination!

Emily ended up crying because Courtney was so miserable to her.  I like Emily even more for standing up to Courtney.  But in the end, I think that Courtney is going to come out on top in this one.  I can only hope that I'm wrong.  Given that Emily is "one of the smart ones" (at least according to Caveman), I hope that she is smart enough to prevail.

Courtney ended up with some obnoxious Charlie Sheen quotes (i.e. "Winning!") and some lame jokes about how she has a rose and Emily didn't.  Boy, Courtney is a train wreck.  What is perhaps most disturbing is that she has Caveman completely fooled.  But, in the end, let's be honest--Emily is way too classy and smart for Caveman.  Courtney--not so much.  Emily, you can do better for yourself...America is rooting for you!

The Rose Ceremony
The final rose went to...Emily!  Phew!  Chock one up for the good guys!  Courtney wasn't too happy--of course--but that only made it that much sweeter.  I doubt that Courtney and Emily are going to kiss and make up any time soon, but I would love for Emily to put some pressure on Courtney--if only to wipe that smug "look" off of Courtney's face!

Monica is sent home in the snow...

Monica was the only girl that didn't get a rose at the Rose Ceremony.  She broke another cardinal rule and cried in her exit interview.  I actually was kind of glad that she did show some emotion, because it made her seem more sympathetic to me.  Of course, given that she's from Utah, I'm betting that the limo just took her straight back to her house in West Valley City and the producers saved themselves the cost of a plane ticket.

See you tomorrow night!


PS...
Bachelor ratings were up this week!  Who would've guessed???  The show was watched by a season high 8.3 million viewers--good for second place on the night.  The Bachelor ought to travel to Utah more often!!!

Ice Age

Caveman Brought the Ice Age to San Francisco This Week...

Good news, Bachelor fans...viewership ticked up this week.  7.4 million viewers watched the Bachelor on Monday night--good for 4th place behind "Betty White's 90th Birthday" (NBC - 13.9 million); "How I Met Your Mother" (CBS - 10.1 million); and Alcatraz (FOX - 10.1 million).  That was 200,000 more viewers than week's episode - "Sonoma Man."

Frankly, I was more interested in this episode because I was interested to see who the "Mystery Woman" was that would bring us (you guessed it...) "the most dramatic Rose Ceremony ever."

Unfortunately, I didn't get to see the episode on Monday because our DVR misfired...oops!  But I'm not about to let a minor detail like missing the episode prevent me from recapping it.  After all, there are millions of my readers at least two of my readers who depend on me to watch so that they don't have to!  =o)

San Francisco

Caveman's Better Half...His Sister Julia

We get it.  San Francisco is a great town.  Caveman lives there.  It's beautiful there.  And "the only way to see San Francisco is to see it with [Caveman]."

Actually, I'm not so sure about that last part.  That was a quote from Nicki and I liked her, so I thought that she was smarter than that.  Somehow, I think millions and millions of people have managed to see San Francisco without Caveman, but I'm glad that Nicki is reminding us how easy it is to fall in love with the Caveman/Bachelor.

Obviously, Caveman's sister Julia got the brains in the family.  She kept it real by asking if there were any girls that mom would love right away or that she would love right away.  Caveman assured her that there were "quite a few."  He then named Lindzi, Kacie B., and....Courtney?

Yes, Courtney is a girl that every caveman would love to take home to mom.  Caveman then listed all of Courtney's redeeming features.  It took four words, mom would love her because: "she is a model."  It kinda makes me wonder what time of mom Caveman had?

But Caveman then added that he "thought" (I know, I know...kind of a risky proposition in and of itself there) that Julia and Courtney "would totally hit it off."

Julia's response, without missing a beat, made me like her even more: "Really?  Why?!"  I laughed out loud.

"That Thing You Do" - Courtney's Signature Pose...

When Julia didn't seem quite convinced about Courtney, Caveman then was quick to add that "there are some smart girls [in the group.]"  I give him credit at least for not including Courtney in that bunch.

Bay Bridge

Emily...One of the "Smart Ones"

One of the secret formulas for Bachelor success is to craft an "extreme date" and then send the one contestant who has a phobia of that activity.  Since the first date was to climb the Bay Bridge, Mike Fleiss and the producers dug through the contestant profiles to find the one contestant who was afraid of heights and send her on the date.

Emily...come on down!

Climbing on the Golden Gate Bridge

Okay, this picture isn't actually from "The Bachelor"--it's from a movie I watched last night--Rise of the Planet of the Apes.  But both featured primates climbing on a big bridge in San Francisco.  You get the idea.

We all know the formula:  (1) contestant hates heights; (2) contestant goes on the bridge; (3) contestant panics and the adrenaline surges; (4) contestant and the Bachelor share a kiss; (5) contestant conquers her fears with the Bachelor's help; and (6) love blossoms.  It's great television!

But no, this wasn't Jake and Vienna (Snausage) hanging off the side of a bridge during their bungee jumping date from a few years ago (although it might as well have been)--this was Emily and Caveman.  Two different set of people.  Same diff.

The part I liked better was the "official" bridge guy telling Emily and Caveman how dangerous this activity was and that it "wasn't Disneyland."  He also informed them that they were on an "official Cal-Trans climb."  What the heck???

What was the "official" Cal-Trans state business that they were doing up there???  I can only guess that the State of California is so desperate for money that we are now "officially" raffling off climbing inspections to tourists and Hollywood producers to make sure that potholes all over the state get repaired.  I guess I should be glad that the money is coming from the Bachelor and not my pocket in the form of higher taxes!!

Understatement of the Night:

• Caveman to Ph.D. Emily at the end of the date: "I think you're probably smarter than I am." 

Really Caveman?  How long did it take you to figure that out?

The Group Date aka The Ice Age

This Does Look Fun!

So Caveman took the women snow-skiing in San Francisco.  Except that the catch was that everyone had to go skiing in their bikinis.  It made for some interesting reactions from some of the spectators.  Although, I'm sure that some of the poor neighborhood kids got a little more than they bargained for...

Apparently, the producers thought the skiiers were still too over-dressed at this point...

....This guy didn't seem to mind though.

I have to give my sister credit for spotting this guy on the porch steps.

The "Rendezvous"
Props again to my sister for noticing that Caveman has begun referring to his one-on-one dates as a "rendezvous."  It didn't dawn on me when he first muttered it how crass that really sounds.  This season really is going for the lowest common denominator.

Brittney (remember Granny?) gave up her "rendezvous" with Ben because she was raised well by her mom and by Granny.  She chose to go home instead.  I respect her even more for that decision.

Lindzi got the date instead.  Despite getting the first impression rose, she has been feeling pretty insecure since she hasn't gotten another date yet--even though it's only episode 3.  Hang in there Lindzi...there's still a long way to go this season.

The Mystery Woman

Back from the Dead?

So the mystery woman that has been teased all week was Shawntel.  Apparently, she and Caveman had exchanged pleasantries, letters, and/or emails at some point in time and she thought that there was some chemistry there.  I give her credit for coming on the show to figure it out.

Needless to say, the other contestants were livid.  Particularly Courtney.  Even though she's a model, she apparently doesn't like competition.  Courtney threatened to turn down the rose if Caveman gave a rose to Shawntel.

What I don't get is why they care so much.  It's only Episode 3 ladies!  You can't have much of a connection with Caveman yet--especially if you've never been on a date with him!

The Rose Ceremony
Here it is in a nutshell...Courtney accepted her rose, but did give Caveman a speech that made him think twice about giving a rose to Shawntel.

Erika--our favorite (ok the only) law student--did her best Jenna (remember her, the love blogger?) impersonation and actually fainted during the Rose Ceremony.

3 Women...1 Rose...

It came down to three women vying for one rose.  Erika recovered enough to stand upright.  Caveman expressed his feelings for all of them--which didn't take very long and then...

Caveman withheld the rose!  Yes, he stiffed all three of the remaining women!

I'm not sure how they took it, because my DVR crapped out, but the only person who could've been happy was Courtney (maybe I should just call her The Model from now on).

It certainly didn't make the viewers happy.  Shawntel showed more personality than most of the other stiffs left in the show and it would have been fun to see if there was anything between her and Caveman.  I guess we'll have to wait until the next Bachelor Pad when Caveman (fresh off of being dumped by whatever girl he ultimately chooses) and Shawntel can explore their feelings for each other (again) on national television!

See you tonight!