Sonoma Man

The episode reminded me of the movie "Encino Man" from the 90s where these two high school friends find a caveman trapped in ice, thaw him out, and show him around town in an attempt to impress all their friends with how cool they are.

In this week's episode, two friends (Mike Fleiss and Chris Harrison) took Caveman and tried to thaw him out by going back to his hometown and having him show off his "natural habitat" in an attempt to impress the girls--but more importantly to impress us!  Unfortunately, I'm not so sure that Caveman has as much natural charisma as Brendan Fraser did in Encino Man.

Now I have a confession to make:  It took me three days to watch this week's episode of The Bachelor.  Obviously, it took me even longer to post this recap.  But given that I've had plenty of time to think about the episode, I think I have figured out why I kept falling asleep while watching the episode and why I kept putting off recapping it...

I'm having a hard time caring.  There I said it.  And I think that's a problem that many long-time Bachelor fans are having.  Entertainment Weekly had the following headline: "Ben Fail? 'The Bachelor' ratings hit all-time low." This week's installment--only the 2nd episode--lost half a million viewers from the first week's episode.  Obviously, I'm not alone in having a hard time caring about this season of The Bachelor.

And it's not just that I don't care about Caveman, even though he seems like a nice enough guy.  I'm realizing that I don't care about any of the contestants either.  Or at least I don't care about the ones who seem to be getting the most airtime.

This hat is doing nothing for Caveman...and this season is doing nothing for long-time Bachelor fans.

Sonoma

Were the Producers trying to "accessorize" Caveman by giving him a cute little dog to tote around?  Just a thought.  Also, I believe the girls referred to this outfit as "Sonoma-fied" Caveman.  I guess anything was an improvement over last week's wardrobe choices.

Caveman's Best Friend

Caveman Cruises Through The Countryside

The Hacienda - Does Fred Flintstone Live Next Door?

Did you know that Caveman was rich?  Well, if you didn't, we do now.  It was sure nice of the producers to dial up the charm of Caveman by giving him a makeover, a cute dog, and letting the contestants know that they could live in Stone-Age Luxury if they are lucky enough to win Caveman's primitive heart.

Kacie B.'s Date

Kacie B. + Caveman = <3

Kacie B. seems like a nice girl from Tennessee.  We learned two things about her early in the date though:  she likes boots and her laugh can really grow on you--but not in a good way.

But Caveman didn't seem to mind her laugh and he made her feel comfortable enough to reveal an embarrasing, personal detail about her life...Kacie B. used to be a baton twirler.  She gave Caveman a very serious face that would have scared me, but Caveman took it all in stride and even took a few impromptu twirling lessons right there in the middle of the street.

Kacie B. gets ready to drop the "T" Bomb...

I really got the sense that Kacie B. is there for "the right reason."  Though I'm still not sure what that is.  She even seemed interested when forced to watch Caveman's boring old home movies.  And Caveman seemed to be interested in hers too.

Kacie B. Sealed the Deal to Get The Rose

The Tony Awards

Okay, well, it wasn't really the Tony Awards, but you would have thought that the community theatre group Date was Broadway-type material given the build up that we got from the show.  Fortunately, we didn't have to watch the entire play.  The "play" played to a full house, but I want to know what the producers had to promise the audience to get those people to show up and sit through that performance...

The auditions were grueling...

First, the girls had to audition...but I'm not really sure why.  Everyone got a  part and it wouldn't have been fun unless most of the girls had to get parts that they didn't want like a weasel, a donkey, a pig, and a buffalo.  Actually, I just made that last one up, but some of the girls showed about as much enthusiasm for their roles as they would have if they had been asked to play a buffalo.

I was impressed that Nicki (who seems cute and pretty cool even with limited air time) managed to maintain her composure when the kids asked her to "do a sexy dance."  Huh?  Where did they get these kids from?

The First of Several Cringe-Worthy Moments from Blakeley...

Blakeley's audition was noteworthy because it was so awkward.  I honestly felt like I needed to avert my eyes...and I wish I had.  Blakeley got the "Ginger Bread Man" part and then got the rose later that night....so I guess Caveman must've seen something he liked?  

I preferred the outfit on the right...

Blakely

Blakeley's performance on the night deserves its own mention.  Even though she auditioned for the play, I think she is really auditioning for the role of Villainess on the show. 

First of all, her "job" is apparently a "VIP" Cocktail Waitress.  I guess that means that she gets to work the Happy Hour shift at Hooters.

Admittedly, however, I haven't been to many (or any?) establishments that would have "VIP" cocktail waitresses, but I can't imagine that most of these "fine" establishments or the clientele that frequent them really go for the tattoo sleeves on the lower arm.

Inked!  Check Out Her Left Arm

Nothing says class (or VIP) like a tattoo that covers your wrist AND your forearm.

Here are some more of my thoughts on Blakeley: Don't tell us that you are a "Scorpio" and you believe in your kissing skills "100%" and that are a "great hunter" and that you take what's yours and make out (awkwardly) in the pool with Caveman and then "steal" him away three times during the cocktail party before the Rose Ceremony and then end up like this because you can't handle the pressure or the catty comments from the other women:

This is a sad picture.

Blakeley, I actually felt bad for you when I saw your meltdown.  I'm no therapist or pyschologist, but I'd be willing to bet that for all your bravado and bluster and supposed confidence, you have some underlying insecurities and self-confidence issues that you battle with.  And I'm sorry about that.

But here's a little advice...if you want to have the girls like you just a little bit, try to limit your "stealing" of Caveman to only one time at the cocktail before the Rose Ceremony, especially when you already have a rose!

Here's another little tidbit of advice...making yourself a little less available (and not being so "easy") for Caveman is probably only going to make him like you more.  Yes, Blakeley, in the real world (outside of VIP Cocktail Lounges), less is more.

Courtney's Date

"Winning!"

Did Courtney really quote Charlie Sheen?  Yes, she did.

"It's Working!"...Courtney is getting under everyone's skin.

But it's okay, I think I've got Courtney figured out and fortunately, she's not getting under my skin.  Yes, she's a model.  But she's not that cute.  Or that charming.  But it is entertaining to listen to her drop "names" of dating actors, photographers, etc. and telling us how hard it is for her to date in Hollywood.  It's tough to be a model and have to date in LA.  If you don't believe her, just ask her.

She's a model, you know....

Courtney either got hurt by dating a bunch of jerks in LA or she never gets asked out on dates in LA.  Or both.  I couldn't really tell which one it was.  But it sounded sincere and good when she said it, so that's probably all that matters.

And no matter what, she wants us to know that she's a model and we should empathize with her.  Her life is tough.  She's a real real rags-to-riches, Horatio Alger-like success story.  Or at least she is on this television show.  Having to fall in love with Caveman is just part of the role she's playing for us and this show is just the next audition to advance her career.  

Does that mean that she's on the show for the "right" reasons or not?  

As an aside, I don't think I've heard a single girl call another girl out yet this season for not being on the show for the "right reasons."  I wonder if anyone will say that at all during this season?  Apparently, even the contestants don't care what motivations the other contestants have for being on the show.

I think Courtney decided to borrow Kacie B.'s boots...

Courtney also loves to tell us how she and the Caveman just have this "thing."  Yes, Courtney, the scintillating conversation on the date really showed me what a connection you and Caveman have.  He told you that those really tall trees with red wood were called "redwoods." You assured him that even though you were a big city girl, you could handle life in the small town.  Never has "small talk" seemed so small. :)

It must have worked because Caveman confided in the audience that Courtney was the total package.  She also "exceeded" all of his expectations.  (Which made me wonder if he had any expectations to start with?)  Nevertheless, for Caveman's stone age intellect, the date with Courtney was a lot to process and he couldn't help but worry that the date was "too good to be true."

Caveman also gushed that date was so "easy" and "natural."  I mean the date with Courtney was just like a "normal" date.

Just a "normal" night in the vineyard--with lit lanterns lighting the way...

Courtney got the rose and she'll be around for a while. Even though none of the girls like her, Caveman seems to.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn...

Too bad Cavemen couldn't see her in the final confessional following the date where she drops character just long enough to gloat that she "got the rose...it's very exciting!"  

The Cocktail Party

Lindzi C. 

I think I like Lindzi C.  Maybe I like her more because Courtney tried to diss her by claiming that Caveman really gave the first impression rose to the horse--not Lindzi.  It's too bad we barely saw her this week.

Jenna The Love Blogger

Jenna admitted she was a nervous wreck.  Really, Jenna?  We couldn't tell.  I think the first clue was when you nearly burned down the Hacienda by dropping that blanket on top of a lit candle.  For a writer, you have an astonishing gift for making your conversations with Caveman so awkward.

Jenna, when you're trying to impress a guy during a romantic moment, don't tell him how much you're "like a guy."  I'm not sure that that's the visual that you want Caveman to have as he decides if he's attracted to you or not.  I'm just sayin'...

I just don't think that this show was the right format to showcase Jenna's talents.  I think she probably is really cool, but I think her nerves really got to her on the show.  When she didn't get a rose, her final confessional showed her expressing shock that she got the boot.  I'm pretty sure she'll understand why that happened after she watches this episode.

Caveman

Inspector Caveman and the Case of the Missing Bachelorettes

The tension during the cocktail party got so bad that Caveman decided to get to the bottom of it.  Somehow, he managed to track Blakeley down and re-assured her that they "were good."  (So eloquent...)  One down, one to go!

Then he found Jenna hiding under the covers of his bed and got her back downstairs in time for the Rose Ceremony.  Case closed!

Sometimes when I watch Caveman talk to these girls though, it is almost painful.  I feel like he could do such a better job of putting them at ease and making them feel more comfortable if he didn't just look at them with these types of blank looks on his face:

Wrap Your Caveman Brain Around Life's Greatest Mystery--Women

Now if we could just get Inspector Caveman to solve the Case of the Missing Viewers!

See you tomorrow night!