Cold-Hearted

Has "Blue Steel" Met Its Match?

Courtney's a model.  She's not ashamed of it.  She owns it.  Like all the great models, she has her own signature pose.  Cindy Crawford had the "hip twist."  Derek Zoolander had "Blue Steel."  And Courtney has "That Funky Thing She Does With Her Lips."

In addition to being a model, Courtney is also a cold-hearted snake.  Look into her eyes.  But she hasn't been telling lies.  Instead, she gleefully tells the camera as well as her fellow contestants exactly what she thinks of them.  But more on that later...

Utah

The Bachelor Mansion is Missing In Action...

I think that the Bachelor Mansion is being foreclosed on.  So far this season, we've been everywhere but the infamous Bachelor Mansion.  Sonoma, San Franscisco, and now Park City, Utah.  Next week, we travel to Viecques, Puerto Rico (better known for being bombed by the U.S. Navy--true story), and next season we'll be filming on location in North Carolina.  I guess the housing crisis is for real now that even the Bachelor's regular digs are under siege.

But I was excited to see the Bachelor go to Utah.  The scenery didn't disappoint.  This was fall in Utah and the leaves were a brilliant blaze of yellow and other colors.  Best line about the scenery was Caveman from the helicopter: "It's just like a painting."

Yes Caveman, it's just like a painting--only real.  That's why they make paintings of things like this!

Rachel's Date

Pick the Actual Bachelor Contestant...

My friend Brooke thinks that Rachel looks like Heidi Klum.  I think she does, but I think she also looks like another famous Rachel--Rachel Hunter.

Rachel keeps reminding us that her last boyfriend broke up with her.  After seeing this date, we may know why.  She is a beautiful girl, but she just shut down during the date.  The producers really played up how awkward the silences were.  Of course, Caveman--with his bug-eyed blank look--did nothing to really help her feel at ease at all.

A Romantic Canoe Trip

The first part of the date involved a helicopter ride to a picture-esque secluded lake.  Fortunately, for Caveman and Rachel, it just happened to have a canoe there.  I couldn't help but notice that there "secluded" canoe trip also included thousands of flying insects (look closely at the picture).  I sure hope that they remembered to bring some bug repellant!

It's a good thing that the Bachelor producers didn't ask what I think about "romantic" canoe trips.  Let's just say that my marriage almost didn't survive a certain canoe trip around a Tahitian lagoon during our honeymoon.  Fortunately, I managed to keep J. calm enough to not capsize the canoe once she realized how far away the shore was, but I don't think she'll ever set foot in another canoe again in her life.

But back to the Bachelor...Dinner with Rachel only continued the awkwardness.  Again, part of the blame lies with Caveman.  His contribution to the dinner conversation consisted mostly of grunts, nods, and one word answers.  Then he dazzled us by explaining in the confessional that the specific problem with Rachel was just something that he couldn't "quite put his finger on."

Don't Think Too Hard Caveman...

The producers mocked us throughout dinner by showing us lingering shots of the rose.  I actually thought that Rachel's rose might be in jeopardy for a while.  It was going that bad.  Rachel actually said at one point in time: "Oh, this fire's getting hot."  But it wasn't the fire--she was on the hot seat and she knew it.

But then Rachel managed to open up about having a hard time opening up.  That small amount of honesty--coupled with her obvious good looks--were enough for Caveman.  She got the rose!  Phew!!

The Group Fishing Date aka "It's Not Really About Catching A Trout--It's More About Catching [Caveman]"

Caveman Makes His Own Dramatic Entrance

Okay, let's guess which contestant uttered that quote...anyone that said Courtney, please move to the front of the class.  I don't know why more contestants don't realize that, but it shows why Courtney seems to have made an impact on Caveman (besides the mere fact that she's a model).  She gets it and if the other girls want a shot, they need to realize that they need to impress Caveman--not make nice with the other girls.

These Waders Are Not Exactly Flattering To The Girls' Figures...

I'm not exactly a big fisherman, but it seemed like most of these girls ended up fly fishing in water that was about ankle deep.  Seems like it would be kinda hard to catch anything bigger than a minnow in water that shallow--but I'm no expert.

Note the Mustard Colored Hat on This Hot Dog...

Courtney instituted a plan to steal Caveman away from the girls.  Not only did it work--but Courtney actually got the only fish!  I think the fish were confused by Courtney's trademark "fish lips" pose.  Lindzi was pissed about Courtney's catch--both of them.  Courtney, of course, didn't miss the chance to rub it in to all the other contestants.

Courtney Will Kiss Anything To Win This "Competition"

That night Nicki (who I like) reminded us all that she had been on three group dates, dang it!  And she wanted a one-on-one "rendezvous" with Caveman!  So what did she do when she interrupted to get Caveman alone?  She thanked him for all of her group dates!  Then Caveman plunged the dagger in ever further by saying: "I feel like you thrive in the group setting."  Talk about damning with faint praise.

I'm Afraid Nicki May Be Stuck In The "Friends Zone"

Samantha's Awkward Moment...

It could have been worse.  Samantha complained to Caveman about being on three straight group dates and demanded a one-on-one "rendezvous."  Caveman was not impressed and sent her packing in the middle of the date.  Courtney, of course, was glad to see her go.  I think the picture below does a good job of capturing Samantha's surprise at finding out that not only was she NOT getting a one-on-one date, she was not even getting another night on the show.






What date with Courtney wouldn't be complete without her reminding us how difficult her life is as a model.  She laid it on thick about how "hard" it was for her to go through this process.

"Winning!"...Courtney's Got "The Look"

Caveman showed his sensitive side but reminding Courtney that he told her how he felt about her "last week" and that "it hadn't changed."

Oh Caveman, if only it were that easy!  I don't claim to know much about women, but I'm pretty sure you can't just tell your wife/significant other that you like them and then say: "Hey Babe, I'll be sure to let you know if my feelings for you ever change."  Maybe now we know the real reason that the Neanderthals went extinct!

Awkward...Courtney Walks In The Room As All the Other Girls Complain
About...Courtney

Courtney really is a piece of work.  Nobody seems to like her--not even the other girls.  We (the audience) knows it, the other girls know it, but Caveman fell for it hook, line, and sinker.  It's actually a little sad to see how much of a puppy dog he turns into around her.  I'm actually a little embarrassed for him that he could be fooled so easily.  Yikes!


Jennifer's Date

Caveman In His Element--A Cave

Jennifer's date was pretty boring.  They dove into a sinkhole/crater/cave, went scuba diving down there, had dinner, went to a Clay Walker concert, and I can barely remember it.  I remember that I could barely watch it at the time.  Sorry, if you want more details about this date, you'll have to try and catch it on Hulu!

Caveman fed us at least one bad pun by saying that he hoped that Jennifer could "take the plunge" with him into the crater.

Forget The Date...A Friend of Mine Actually Met Her In Person Recently!

I was more excited that a college buddy of mine bumped into her in the airport and got a picture with her!  =o)  (See the picture above...)

The Cocktail Party aka The Claws Come Out

Emily Drops the Dime On Courtney

Poor Emily. She broke one of the cardinal rules of The Bachelor and ratted out another contestant to the Bachelor.  She told Caveman what he should really think about Courtney.  Has that strategy ever worked?  I doubt it.  And Emily paid the price for her miscalculation.

Caveman even warned Emily that it would result in Emily's "own demise."  And he was right.  Here's a little tip: Ben is into Courtney--so don't go trash her to him.  He is not hearing that.  And he won't believe you.

Courtney's New "Look"?  She is shocked to find out that someone doesn't like her.

Courtney found out about it from the only person who apparently likes her besides Caveman (i.e. Courtney S.--though I have no idea why Casey S. likes her).  And then she brought the claws out.  Remember that old saying: "Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned?"  Courtney re-affirmed the truth of that saying in the episode.

In fact, the personal attacks got so bad that I thought I was listening to one of the Primary Debates for the Republican Presidential Nomination!

Emily ended up crying because Courtney was so miserable to her.  I like Emily even more for standing up to Courtney.  But in the end, I think that Courtney is going to come out on top in this one.  I can only hope that I'm wrong.  Given that Emily is "one of the smart ones" (at least according to Caveman), I hope that she is smart enough to prevail.

Courtney ended up with some obnoxious Charlie Sheen quotes (i.e. "Winning!") and some lame jokes about how she has a rose and Emily didn't.  Boy, Courtney is a train wreck.  What is perhaps most disturbing is that she has Caveman completely fooled.  But, in the end, let's be honest--Emily is way too classy and smart for Caveman.  Courtney--not so much.  Emily, you can do better for yourself...America is rooting for you!

The Rose Ceremony
The final rose went to...Emily!  Phew!  Chock one up for the good guys!  Courtney wasn't too happy--of course--but that only made it that much sweeter.  I doubt that Courtney and Emily are going to kiss and make up any time soon, but I would love for Emily to put some pressure on Courtney--if only to wipe that smug "look" off of Courtney's face!

Monica is sent home in the snow...

Monica was the only girl that didn't get a rose at the Rose Ceremony.  She broke another cardinal rule and cried in her exit interview.  I actually was kind of glad that she did show some emotion, because it made her seem more sympathetic to me.  Of course, given that she's from Utah, I'm betting that the limo just took her straight back to her house in West Valley City and the producers saved themselves the cost of a plane ticket.

See you tomorrow night!


PS...
Bachelor ratings were up this week!  Who would've guessed???  The show was watched by a season high 8.3 million viewers--good for second place on the night.  The Bachelor ought to travel to Utah more often!!!