Cold-Hearted

Has "Blue Steel" Met Its Match?

Courtney's a model.  She's not ashamed of it.  She owns it.  Like all the great models, she has her own signature pose.  Cindy Crawford had the "hip twist."  Derek Zoolander had "Blue Steel."  And Courtney has "That Funky Thing She Does With Her Lips."

In addition to being a model, Courtney is also a cold-hearted snake.  Look into her eyes.  But she hasn't been telling lies.  Instead, she gleefully tells the camera as well as her fellow contestants exactly what she thinks of them.  But more on that later...

Utah

The Bachelor Mansion is Missing In Action...

I think that the Bachelor Mansion is being foreclosed on.  So far this season, we've been everywhere but the infamous Bachelor Mansion.  Sonoma, San Franscisco, and now Park City, Utah.  Next week, we travel to Viecques, Puerto Rico (better known for being bombed by the U.S. Navy--true story), and next season we'll be filming on location in North Carolina.  I guess the housing crisis is for real now that even the Bachelor's regular digs are under siege.

But I was excited to see the Bachelor go to Utah.  The scenery didn't disappoint.  This was fall in Utah and the leaves were a brilliant blaze of yellow and other colors.  Best line about the scenery was Caveman from the helicopter: "It's just like a painting."

Yes Caveman, it's just like a painting--only real.  That's why they make paintings of things like this!

Rachel's Date

Pick the Actual Bachelor Contestant...

My friend Brooke thinks that Rachel looks like Heidi Klum.  I think she does, but I think she also looks like another famous Rachel--Rachel Hunter.

Rachel keeps reminding us that her last boyfriend broke up with her.  After seeing this date, we may know why.  She is a beautiful girl, but she just shut down during the date.  The producers really played up how awkward the silences were.  Of course, Caveman--with his bug-eyed blank look--did nothing to really help her feel at ease at all.

A Romantic Canoe Trip

The first part of the date involved a helicopter ride to a picture-esque secluded lake.  Fortunately, for Caveman and Rachel, it just happened to have a canoe there.  I couldn't help but notice that there "secluded" canoe trip also included thousands of flying insects (look closely at the picture).  I sure hope that they remembered to bring some bug repellant!

It's a good thing that the Bachelor producers didn't ask what I think about "romantic" canoe trips.  Let's just say that my marriage almost didn't survive a certain canoe trip around a Tahitian lagoon during our honeymoon.  Fortunately, I managed to keep J. calm enough to not capsize the canoe once she realized how far away the shore was, but I don't think she'll ever set foot in another canoe again in her life.

But back to the Bachelor...Dinner with Rachel only continued the awkwardness.  Again, part of the blame lies with Caveman.  His contribution to the dinner conversation consisted mostly of grunts, nods, and one word answers.  Then he dazzled us by explaining in the confessional that the specific problem with Rachel was just something that he couldn't "quite put his finger on."

Don't Think Too Hard Caveman...

The producers mocked us throughout dinner by showing us lingering shots of the rose.  I actually thought that Rachel's rose might be in jeopardy for a while.  It was going that bad.  Rachel actually said at one point in time: "Oh, this fire's getting hot."  But it wasn't the fire--she was on the hot seat and she knew it.

But then Rachel managed to open up about having a hard time opening up.  That small amount of honesty--coupled with her obvious good looks--were enough for Caveman.  She got the rose!  Phew!!

The Group Fishing Date aka "It's Not Really About Catching A Trout--It's More About Catching [Caveman]"

Caveman Makes His Own Dramatic Entrance

Okay, let's guess which contestant uttered that quote...anyone that said Courtney, please move to the front of the class.  I don't know why more contestants don't realize that, but it shows why Courtney seems to have made an impact on Caveman (besides the mere fact that she's a model).  She gets it and if the other girls want a shot, they need to realize that they need to impress Caveman--not make nice with the other girls.

These Waders Are Not Exactly Flattering To The Girls' Figures...

I'm not exactly a big fisherman, but it seemed like most of these girls ended up fly fishing in water that was about ankle deep.  Seems like it would be kinda hard to catch anything bigger than a minnow in water that shallow--but I'm no expert.

Note the Mustard Colored Hat on This Hot Dog...

Courtney instituted a plan to steal Caveman away from the girls.  Not only did it work--but Courtney actually got the only fish!  I think the fish were confused by Courtney's trademark "fish lips" pose.  Lindzi was pissed about Courtney's catch--both of them.  Courtney, of course, didn't miss the chance to rub it in to all the other contestants.

Courtney Will Kiss Anything To Win This "Competition"

That night Nicki (who I like) reminded us all that she had been on three group dates, dang it!  And she wanted a one-on-one "rendezvous" with Caveman!  So what did she do when she interrupted to get Caveman alone?  She thanked him for all of her group dates!  Then Caveman plunged the dagger in ever further by saying: "I feel like you thrive in the group setting."  Talk about damning with faint praise.

I'm Afraid Nicki May Be Stuck In The "Friends Zone"

Samantha's Awkward Moment...

It could have been worse.  Samantha complained to Caveman about being on three straight group dates and demanded a one-on-one "rendezvous."  Caveman was not impressed and sent her packing in the middle of the date.  Courtney, of course, was glad to see her go.  I think the picture below does a good job of capturing Samantha's surprise at finding out that not only was she NOT getting a one-on-one date, she was not even getting another night on the show.






What date with Courtney wouldn't be complete without her reminding us how difficult her life is as a model.  She laid it on thick about how "hard" it was for her to go through this process.

"Winning!"...Courtney's Got "The Look"

Caveman showed his sensitive side but reminding Courtney that he told her how he felt about her "last week" and that "it hadn't changed."

Oh Caveman, if only it were that easy!  I don't claim to know much about women, but I'm pretty sure you can't just tell your wife/significant other that you like them and then say: "Hey Babe, I'll be sure to let you know if my feelings for you ever change."  Maybe now we know the real reason that the Neanderthals went extinct!

Awkward...Courtney Walks In The Room As All the Other Girls Complain
About...Courtney

Courtney really is a piece of work.  Nobody seems to like her--not even the other girls.  We (the audience) knows it, the other girls know it, but Caveman fell for it hook, line, and sinker.  It's actually a little sad to see how much of a puppy dog he turns into around her.  I'm actually a little embarrassed for him that he could be fooled so easily.  Yikes!


Jennifer's Date

Caveman In His Element--A Cave

Jennifer's date was pretty boring.  They dove into a sinkhole/crater/cave, went scuba diving down there, had dinner, went to a Clay Walker concert, and I can barely remember it.  I remember that I could barely watch it at the time.  Sorry, if you want more details about this date, you'll have to try and catch it on Hulu!

Caveman fed us at least one bad pun by saying that he hoped that Jennifer could "take the plunge" with him into the crater.

Forget The Date...A Friend of Mine Actually Met Her In Person Recently!

I was more excited that a college buddy of mine bumped into her in the airport and got a picture with her!  =o)  (See the picture above...)

The Cocktail Party aka The Claws Come Out

Emily Drops the Dime On Courtney

Poor Emily. She broke one of the cardinal rules of The Bachelor and ratted out another contestant to the Bachelor.  She told Caveman what he should really think about Courtney.  Has that strategy ever worked?  I doubt it.  And Emily paid the price for her miscalculation.

Caveman even warned Emily that it would result in Emily's "own demise."  And he was right.  Here's a little tip: Ben is into Courtney--so don't go trash her to him.  He is not hearing that.  And he won't believe you.

Courtney's New "Look"?  She is shocked to find out that someone doesn't like her.

Courtney found out about it from the only person who apparently likes her besides Caveman (i.e. Courtney S.--though I have no idea why Casey S. likes her).  And then she brought the claws out.  Remember that old saying: "Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned?"  Courtney re-affirmed the truth of that saying in the episode.

In fact, the personal attacks got so bad that I thought I was listening to one of the Primary Debates for the Republican Presidential Nomination!

Emily ended up crying because Courtney was so miserable to her.  I like Emily even more for standing up to Courtney.  But in the end, I think that Courtney is going to come out on top in this one.  I can only hope that I'm wrong.  Given that Emily is "one of the smart ones" (at least according to Caveman), I hope that she is smart enough to prevail.

Courtney ended up with some obnoxious Charlie Sheen quotes (i.e. "Winning!") and some lame jokes about how she has a rose and Emily didn't.  Boy, Courtney is a train wreck.  What is perhaps most disturbing is that she has Caveman completely fooled.  But, in the end, let's be honest--Emily is way too classy and smart for Caveman.  Courtney--not so much.  Emily, you can do better for yourself...America is rooting for you!

The Rose Ceremony
The final rose went to...Emily!  Phew!  Chock one up for the good guys!  Courtney wasn't too happy--of course--but that only made it that much sweeter.  I doubt that Courtney and Emily are going to kiss and make up any time soon, but I would love for Emily to put some pressure on Courtney--if only to wipe that smug "look" off of Courtney's face!

Monica is sent home in the snow...

Monica was the only girl that didn't get a rose at the Rose Ceremony.  She broke another cardinal rule and cried in her exit interview.  I actually was kind of glad that she did show some emotion, because it made her seem more sympathetic to me.  Of course, given that she's from Utah, I'm betting that the limo just took her straight back to her house in West Valley City and the producers saved themselves the cost of a plane ticket.

See you tomorrow night!


PS...
Bachelor ratings were up this week!  Who would've guessed???  The show was watched by a season high 8.3 million viewers--good for second place on the night.  The Bachelor ought to travel to Utah more often!!!

Becoming Bobby

I love basketball.  As a kid, I dreamed of playing basketball for Indiana University.  I had a picture of its famous point guard, Steve Alford, posted in my room growing up and I cut out the Sports Illustrated article where Steve Alford told how he proposed to his future wife by putting the engagement ring in the basketball net and having her find it there. (That's not how I proposed to J., by the way...)

I proudly wore a red Indiana Hoosiers hat and dreamed that one day I would get recruited by Indiana's legendary (and volatile) basketball coach, Bob Knight.  I thought that if I were ever a basketball coach, I'd want to be as good a coach as Bobby was.

For the past couple of months, I've been coaching R.'s basketball team.  It has been an interesting experience.  The league is quite competitive--especially when you consider that the kids are only in the 3rd and 4th grades.  Despite the fact that our team has lost every single game, I've been accused of "poaching" by another coach (i.e. stealing a player from his team) and I've tried to teach my players--many of whom have never played organized basketball before--the fundamentals of basketball.

Swish!

Usually what happens in youth basketball is that there is a draft where the coaches get to pick the players for their team to make sure that there is some competitive balance in the league.  That apparently didn't happen this year.  Instead, the coaches just put their teams together and there were about two teams that didn't have coaches.  Mine was one of those teams.  We got everyone that was left over.

I was asked to coach after my team had already been "assembled" but I was excited to be able to help because I love basketball (if you couldn't tell from this blog).  I told the parents that I personally didn't care if we lost every single game but that my goal was for the kids to be better basketball players by the end of the season.

I admit, it's been frustrating at times.  I couldn't believe it when another coach accused me of "poaching" one of his players.  I didn't, of course, but I was kind of confused why he wasn't more worried about just coaching the players on his team.

The lack of experience of our players is also frustrating.  Last night at practice, for example, we only had three kids show up (even though we obviously need the practice).  We spent 45 minutes practicing lay-ups with the team goal of making 10 of them in a row.  We couldn't do it!  (The closest we got was 7 in a row several times.)  That was frustrating, but I credit the kids for staying enthusiastic and for not giving up.  And they did get better at making their lay-ups.

But it has been fun to see the kids get better from week to week and over the course of the season.  They have a lot more confidence now than they did in the first game.  One of our best players on the team had never played basketball before, but had three baskets in our game today.  Another one of our kids--who also had never played before--didn't know how to dribble the basketball in the first game.  (He just held the ball and walked around the court.)  Now he knows how to dribble.  Another kid who had never played before managed to nail a three pointer during the game today.  It is exciting to see the kids get better.

No One Ever Accused Bob Knight of Being Too Laid Back

Because they've gotten better, my expectations and hopes for them have gotten higher.  And that is how I found myself almost "becoming Bobby" today.  (I can't take credit for the title of this post.  I "borrowed" it from a great post written by Ashley Carter.  She has an awesome blog that you should check out if you haven't already.)

We were in a tight game this morning during our weekly game and we even had the lead in the fourth quarter.  That's never happened before.  Another thing that has never happened before is that we actually ran a play correctly and R. (my son) scored a basket off the play.  It was probably my proudest moment as a coach this season.

Also significant was that my son, R., fouled out during the game.  That has never happened to him before and he was so sad because he thought that he had done something wrong.  Rather I tried to reassure him that sometimes it's good to foul in basketball.  Moreover, I was so proud of him because it was the best game that I'd ever seen him play in his entire life.  He hustled, played great defense, and made three baskets during the game!  I know he's my son--but any parent would have been proud to see him play out there.  And as a parent, I felt his sadness that he was feeling at the end of the game.

R. Gets Ready To Shoot a Free Throw Last Year
(It's hard to take pictures when you're coaching...so no pix from this season, sadly!)

And even though I started the season as the "anti-Bobby" in terms of coaching temperament, the excitement of the game (and the emotions) made me want for our team to be able to win.  I never got close to throwing a chair (like Coach Knight infamously did during one game) but I thought about throwing my clipboard at one point.

Ultimately, we lost (again), but we have one more chance next week in the last game of the season.  And whether we win or lose, I still believe that our team will be winners because of the individual improvement that the players have made this season.  And even if it's an exciting game, I promise to keep my chair firmly planted on the sidelines!

Ice Age

Caveman Brought the Ice Age to San Francisco This Week...

Good news, Bachelor fans...viewership ticked up this week.  7.4 million viewers watched the Bachelor on Monday night--good for 4th place behind "Betty White's 90th Birthday" (NBC - 13.9 million); "How I Met Your Mother" (CBS - 10.1 million); and Alcatraz (FOX - 10.1 million).  That was 200,000 more viewers than week's episode - "Sonoma Man."

Frankly, I was more interested in this episode because I was interested to see who the "Mystery Woman" was that would bring us (you guessed it...) "the most dramatic Rose Ceremony ever."

Unfortunately, I didn't get to see the episode on Monday because our DVR misfired...oops!  But I'm not about to let a minor detail like missing the episode prevent me from recapping it.  After all, there are millions of my readers at least two of my readers who depend on me to watch so that they don't have to!  =o)

San Francisco

Caveman's Better Half...His Sister Julia

We get it.  San Francisco is a great town.  Caveman lives there.  It's beautiful there.  And "the only way to see San Francisco is to see it with [Caveman]."

Actually, I'm not so sure about that last part.  That was a quote from Nicki and I liked her, so I thought that she was smarter than that.  Somehow, I think millions and millions of people have managed to see San Francisco without Caveman, but I'm glad that Nicki is reminding us how easy it is to fall in love with the Caveman/Bachelor.

Obviously, Caveman's sister Julia got the brains in the family.  She kept it real by asking if there were any girls that mom would love right away or that she would love right away.  Caveman assured her that there were "quite a few."  He then named Lindzi, Kacie B., and....Courtney?

Yes, Courtney is a girl that every caveman would love to take home to mom.  Caveman then listed all of Courtney's redeeming features.  It took four words, mom would love her because: "she is a model."  It kinda makes me wonder what time of mom Caveman had?

But Caveman then added that he "thought" (I know, I know...kind of a risky proposition in and of itself there) that Julia and Courtney "would totally hit it off."

Julia's response, without missing a beat, made me like her even more: "Really?  Why?!"  I laughed out loud.

"That Thing You Do" - Courtney's Signature Pose...

When Julia didn't seem quite convinced about Courtney, Caveman then was quick to add that "there are some smart girls [in the group.]"  I give him credit at least for not including Courtney in that bunch.

Bay Bridge

Emily...One of the "Smart Ones"

One of the secret formulas for Bachelor success is to craft an "extreme date" and then send the one contestant who has a phobia of that activity.  Since the first date was to climb the Bay Bridge, Mike Fleiss and the producers dug through the contestant profiles to find the one contestant who was afraid of heights and send her on the date.

Emily...come on down!

Climbing on the Golden Gate Bridge

Okay, this picture isn't actually from "The Bachelor"--it's from a movie I watched last night--Rise of the Planet of the Apes.  But both featured primates climbing on a big bridge in San Francisco.  You get the idea.

We all know the formula:  (1) contestant hates heights; (2) contestant goes on the bridge; (3) contestant panics and the adrenaline surges; (4) contestant and the Bachelor share a kiss; (5) contestant conquers her fears with the Bachelor's help; and (6) love blossoms.  It's great television!

But no, this wasn't Jake and Vienna (Snausage) hanging off the side of a bridge during their bungee jumping date from a few years ago (although it might as well have been)--this was Emily and Caveman.  Two different set of people.  Same diff.

The part I liked better was the "official" bridge guy telling Emily and Caveman how dangerous this activity was and that it "wasn't Disneyland."  He also informed them that they were on an "official Cal-Trans climb."  What the heck???

What was the "official" Cal-Trans state business that they were doing up there???  I can only guess that the State of California is so desperate for money that we are now "officially" raffling off climbing inspections to tourists and Hollywood producers to make sure that potholes all over the state get repaired.  I guess I should be glad that the money is coming from the Bachelor and not my pocket in the form of higher taxes!!

Understatement of the Night:

• Caveman to Ph.D. Emily at the end of the date: "I think you're probably smarter than I am." 

Really Caveman?  How long did it take you to figure that out?

The Group Date aka The Ice Age

This Does Look Fun!

So Caveman took the women snow-skiing in San Francisco.  Except that the catch was that everyone had to go skiing in their bikinis.  It made for some interesting reactions from some of the spectators.  Although, I'm sure that some of the poor neighborhood kids got a little more than they bargained for...

Apparently, the producers thought the skiiers were still too over-dressed at this point...

....This guy didn't seem to mind though.

I have to give my sister credit for spotting this guy on the porch steps.

The "Rendezvous"
Props again to my sister for noticing that Caveman has begun referring to his one-on-one dates as a "rendezvous."  It didn't dawn on me when he first muttered it how crass that really sounds.  This season really is going for the lowest common denominator.

Brittney (remember Granny?) gave up her "rendezvous" with Ben because she was raised well by her mom and by Granny.  She chose to go home instead.  I respect her even more for that decision.

Lindzi got the date instead.  Despite getting the first impression rose, she has been feeling pretty insecure since she hasn't gotten another date yet--even though it's only episode 3.  Hang in there Lindzi...there's still a long way to go this season.

The Mystery Woman

Back from the Dead?

So the mystery woman that has been teased all week was Shawntel.  Apparently, she and Caveman had exchanged pleasantries, letters, and/or emails at some point in time and she thought that there was some chemistry there.  I give her credit for coming on the show to figure it out.

Needless to say, the other contestants were livid.  Particularly Courtney.  Even though she's a model, she apparently doesn't like competition.  Courtney threatened to turn down the rose if Caveman gave a rose to Shawntel.

What I don't get is why they care so much.  It's only Episode 3 ladies!  You can't have much of a connection with Caveman yet--especially if you've never been on a date with him!

The Rose Ceremony
Here it is in a nutshell...Courtney accepted her rose, but did give Caveman a speech that made him think twice about giving a rose to Shawntel.

Erika--our favorite (ok the only) law student--did her best Jenna (remember her, the love blogger?) impersonation and actually fainted during the Rose Ceremony.

3 Women...1 Rose...

It came down to three women vying for one rose.  Erika recovered enough to stand upright.  Caveman expressed his feelings for all of them--which didn't take very long and then...

Caveman withheld the rose!  Yes, he stiffed all three of the remaining women!

I'm not sure how they took it, because my DVR crapped out, but the only person who could've been happy was Courtney (maybe I should just call her The Model from now on).

It certainly didn't make the viewers happy.  Shawntel showed more personality than most of the other stiffs left in the show and it would have been fun to see if there was anything between her and Caveman.  I guess we'll have to wait until the next Bachelor Pad when Caveman (fresh off of being dumped by whatever girl he ultimately chooses) and Shawntel can explore their feelings for each other (again) on national television!

See you tonight!

Perp Walk

Fingerprinting Has Gone High Tech

I had to get fingerprinted today for at least the second time that I remember.  The first time I was ever fingerprinted was in basement of the college Campus Police station.  Fortunately, I wasn't under arrest at the time--I was just completing my bar application.

Today's "perp walk" was necessitated by the fact that I got conned into coaching my son's little league basketball team.  The season is more than half over (we only have 3 games left), but someone decided that all of the volunteer coaches needed to be fingerprinted so that we could "protect the kids."

I understand that times are different these days in light of scandals at Penn State and the Catholic Church, but you would have thought that someone might have come up with this idea before the season started.

For the record, I have nothing against protecting kids, but it's a pain to have to go through all of the rigamorale of filling out the application, making an appointment, leaving the office during the middle of the day to drive to some random Mailboxes, Etc. location, and pay $17 bucks for the privilege (they don't accept cash.  Great!).  That's why I refer to it as a "Perp Walk."

The process was actually pretty amazing.  No ink, but I just put my fingers on a scanner and I could see the results blown up on the screen right away.  I would have posted a copy of my fingerprints here but $17 bucks didn't get even get me my own copy.  And unlike CSI there was no instantaneous result showing that I had "passed."  My results will be back in about two weeks.  Or just in time for the season to be over!

My only hope is that the trip isn't a complete waste because if I get conned into coaching again next year--a stretch given our team's less than stellar record at this point in the season--I'm hopeful that my "prints" will be in some database somewhere so I'm not subjected to this same process again.

Sonoma Man

The episode reminded me of the movie "Encino Man" from the 90s where these two high school friends find a caveman trapped in ice, thaw him out, and show him around town in an attempt to impress all their friends with how cool they are.

In this week's episode, two friends (Mike Fleiss and Chris Harrison) took Caveman and tried to thaw him out by going back to his hometown and having him show off his "natural habitat" in an attempt to impress the girls--but more importantly to impress us!  Unfortunately, I'm not so sure that Caveman has as much natural charisma as Brendan Fraser did in Encino Man.

Now I have a confession to make:  It took me three days to watch this week's episode of The Bachelor.  Obviously, it took me even longer to post this recap.  But given that I've had plenty of time to think about the episode, I think I have figured out why I kept falling asleep while watching the episode and why I kept putting off recapping it...

I'm having a hard time caring.  There I said it.  And I think that's a problem that many long-time Bachelor fans are having.  Entertainment Weekly had the following headline: "Ben Fail? 'The Bachelor' ratings hit all-time low." This week's installment--only the 2nd episode--lost half a million viewers from the first week's episode.  Obviously, I'm not alone in having a hard time caring about this season of The Bachelor.

And it's not just that I don't care about Caveman, even though he seems like a nice enough guy.  I'm realizing that I don't care about any of the contestants either.  Or at least I don't care about the ones who seem to be getting the most airtime.

This hat is doing nothing for Caveman...and this season is doing nothing for long-time Bachelor fans.

Sonoma

Were the Producers trying to "accessorize" Caveman by giving him a cute little dog to tote around?  Just a thought.  Also, I believe the girls referred to this outfit as "Sonoma-fied" Caveman.  I guess anything was an improvement over last week's wardrobe choices.

Caveman's Best Friend

Caveman Cruises Through The Countryside

The Hacienda - Does Fred Flintstone Live Next Door?

Did you know that Caveman was rich?  Well, if you didn't, we do now.  It was sure nice of the producers to dial up the charm of Caveman by giving him a makeover, a cute dog, and letting the contestants know that they could live in Stone-Age Luxury if they are lucky enough to win Caveman's primitive heart.

Kacie B.'s Date

Kacie B. + Caveman = <3

Kacie B. seems like a nice girl from Tennessee.  We learned two things about her early in the date though:  she likes boots and her laugh can really grow on you--but not in a good way.

But Caveman didn't seem to mind her laugh and he made her feel comfortable enough to reveal an embarrasing, personal detail about her life...Kacie B. used to be a baton twirler.  She gave Caveman a very serious face that would have scared me, but Caveman took it all in stride and even took a few impromptu twirling lessons right there in the middle of the street.

Kacie B. gets ready to drop the "T" Bomb...

I really got the sense that Kacie B. is there for "the right reason."  Though I'm still not sure what that is.  She even seemed interested when forced to watch Caveman's boring old home movies.  And Caveman seemed to be interested in hers too.

Kacie B. Sealed the Deal to Get The Rose

The Tony Awards

Okay, well, it wasn't really the Tony Awards, but you would have thought that the community theatre group Date was Broadway-type material given the build up that we got from the show.  Fortunately, we didn't have to watch the entire play.  The "play" played to a full house, but I want to know what the producers had to promise the audience to get those people to show up and sit through that performance...

The auditions were grueling...

First, the girls had to audition...but I'm not really sure why.  Everyone got a  part and it wouldn't have been fun unless most of the girls had to get parts that they didn't want like a weasel, a donkey, a pig, and a buffalo.  Actually, I just made that last one up, but some of the girls showed about as much enthusiasm for their roles as they would have if they had been asked to play a buffalo.

I was impressed that Nicki (who seems cute and pretty cool even with limited air time) managed to maintain her composure when the kids asked her to "do a sexy dance."  Huh?  Where did they get these kids from?

The First of Several Cringe-Worthy Moments from Blakeley...

Blakeley's audition was noteworthy because it was so awkward.  I honestly felt like I needed to avert my eyes...and I wish I had.  Blakeley got the "Ginger Bread Man" part and then got the rose later that night....so I guess Caveman must've seen something he liked?  

I preferred the outfit on the right...

Blakely

Blakeley's performance on the night deserves its own mention.  Even though she auditioned for the play, I think she is really auditioning for the role of Villainess on the show. 

First of all, her "job" is apparently a "VIP" Cocktail Waitress.  I guess that means that she gets to work the Happy Hour shift at Hooters.

Admittedly, however, I haven't been to many (or any?) establishments that would have "VIP" cocktail waitresses, but I can't imagine that most of these "fine" establishments or the clientele that frequent them really go for the tattoo sleeves on the lower arm.

Inked!  Check Out Her Left Arm

Nothing says class (or VIP) like a tattoo that covers your wrist AND your forearm.

Here are some more of my thoughts on Blakeley: Don't tell us that you are a "Scorpio" and you believe in your kissing skills "100%" and that are a "great hunter" and that you take what's yours and make out (awkwardly) in the pool with Caveman and then "steal" him away three times during the cocktail party before the Rose Ceremony and then end up like this because you can't handle the pressure or the catty comments from the other women:

This is a sad picture.

Blakeley, I actually felt bad for you when I saw your meltdown.  I'm no therapist or pyschologist, but I'd be willing to bet that for all your bravado and bluster and supposed confidence, you have some underlying insecurities and self-confidence issues that you battle with.  And I'm sorry about that.

But here's a little advice...if you want to have the girls like you just a little bit, try to limit your "stealing" of Caveman to only one time at the cocktail before the Rose Ceremony, especially when you already have a rose!

Here's another little tidbit of advice...making yourself a little less available (and not being so "easy") for Caveman is probably only going to make him like you more.  Yes, Blakeley, in the real world (outside of VIP Cocktail Lounges), less is more.

Courtney's Date

"Winning!"

Did Courtney really quote Charlie Sheen?  Yes, she did.

"It's Working!"...Courtney is getting under everyone's skin.

But it's okay, I think I've got Courtney figured out and fortunately, she's not getting under my skin.  Yes, she's a model.  But she's not that cute.  Or that charming.  But it is entertaining to listen to her drop "names" of dating actors, photographers, etc. and telling us how hard it is for her to date in Hollywood.  It's tough to be a model and have to date in LA.  If you don't believe her, just ask her.

She's a model, you know....

Courtney either got hurt by dating a bunch of jerks in LA or she never gets asked out on dates in LA.  Or both.  I couldn't really tell which one it was.  But it sounded sincere and good when she said it, so that's probably all that matters.

And no matter what, she wants us to know that she's a model and we should empathize with her.  Her life is tough.  She's a real real rags-to-riches, Horatio Alger-like success story.  Or at least she is on this television show.  Having to fall in love with Caveman is just part of the role she's playing for us and this show is just the next audition to advance her career.  

Does that mean that she's on the show for the "right" reasons or not?  

As an aside, I don't think I've heard a single girl call another girl out yet this season for not being on the show for the "right reasons."  I wonder if anyone will say that at all during this season?  Apparently, even the contestants don't care what motivations the other contestants have for being on the show.

I think Courtney decided to borrow Kacie B.'s boots...

Courtney also loves to tell us how she and the Caveman just have this "thing."  Yes, Courtney, the scintillating conversation on the date really showed me what a connection you and Caveman have.  He told you that those really tall trees with red wood were called "redwoods." You assured him that even though you were a big city girl, you could handle life in the small town.  Never has "small talk" seemed so small. :)

It must have worked because Caveman confided in the audience that Courtney was the total package.  She also "exceeded" all of his expectations.  (Which made me wonder if he had any expectations to start with?)  Nevertheless, for Caveman's stone age intellect, the date with Courtney was a lot to process and he couldn't help but worry that the date was "too good to be true."

Caveman also gushed that date was so "easy" and "natural."  I mean the date with Courtney was just like a "normal" date.

Just a "normal" night in the vineyard--with lit lanterns lighting the way...

Courtney got the rose and she'll be around for a while. Even though none of the girls like her, Caveman seems to.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn...

Too bad Cavemen couldn't see her in the final confessional following the date where she drops character just long enough to gloat that she "got the rose...it's very exciting!"  

The Cocktail Party

Lindzi C. 

I think I like Lindzi C.  Maybe I like her more because Courtney tried to diss her by claiming that Caveman really gave the first impression rose to the horse--not Lindzi.  It's too bad we barely saw her this week.

Jenna The Love Blogger

Jenna admitted she was a nervous wreck.  Really, Jenna?  We couldn't tell.  I think the first clue was when you nearly burned down the Hacienda by dropping that blanket on top of a lit candle.  For a writer, you have an astonishing gift for making your conversations with Caveman so awkward.

Jenna, when you're trying to impress a guy during a romantic moment, don't tell him how much you're "like a guy."  I'm not sure that that's the visual that you want Caveman to have as he decides if he's attracted to you or not.  I'm just sayin'...

I just don't think that this show was the right format to showcase Jenna's talents.  I think she probably is really cool, but I think her nerves really got to her on the show.  When she didn't get a rose, her final confessional showed her expressing shock that she got the boot.  I'm pretty sure she'll understand why that happened after she watches this episode.

Caveman

Inspector Caveman and the Case of the Missing Bachelorettes

The tension during the cocktail party got so bad that Caveman decided to get to the bottom of it.  Somehow, he managed to track Blakeley down and re-assured her that they "were good."  (So eloquent...)  One down, one to go!

Then he found Jenna hiding under the covers of his bed and got her back downstairs in time for the Rose Ceremony.  Case closed!

Sometimes when I watch Caveman talk to these girls though, it is almost painful.  I feel like he could do such a better job of putting them at ease and making them feel more comfortable if he didn't just look at them with these types of blank looks on his face:

Wrap Your Caveman Brain Around Life's Greatest Mystery--Women

Now if we could just get Inspector Caveman to solve the Case of the Missing Viewers!

See you tomorrow night!