The Clan of the Cave Bear

Darryl Hannah stars as the more evolved "outsider" in this 1986 film (two years after "Splash")

This week's episode of The Bachelor reminded me of an old movie that starred Darryl Hannah--The Clan of the Cave Bear.  In the movie, Ayla (Darryl Hannah) is separated from her Cro-Magnon tribe and adopted into a tribe of Neanderthals.  She is more intelligent and evolved than those around her and endures abuse and criticism because of her status.

****Disclaimer--I plagiarized that summary from Netflix since I don't think I've ever actually seen the movie.  The episode still reminded me of the movie though!****

This week's episode was basically the opposite of that.  Caveman--the Neanderthal--has been separated from his tribe of cave dwellers and is wandering around trying to find a new tribe of Homo Sapiens that will adopt him.  Much like Darryl Hannah, however, Caveman must endure abuse and criticism from the strange people around him (the contestant's families).

The "Hometowns"


Maybe I'm just turning into a grumpy old man, but does it bother anyone else that Caveman keeps referring to this week as the "Hometowns" like it's a verb, noun, and adjective all wrapped up into one?  Maybe it's just the way that he says it, but I wish he'd stop.

Lindzi C.

Lindzi C. got the first date

For some reason, I always thought that Lindzi was from Washington state.  I don't know why.  This says that she is from Florida.  Oh well.  I've always like her ever since she rode into the first episode on that horse.  Maybe I haven't really been paying all that close of attention.  I'm certainly not the only one this season guilty of that.

Lindzi had only ever brought one guy home before Caveman.  Lindzi's "ex" is the anonymous bloke who is now famous for the way he broke up with Lindzi.  He did it by text.  As if that weren't bad enough, his text said: "Welcome to Dumpsville...Population: You!"  Yes, that is cold.

Of course, any hometown date with Lindzi would not be complete without horses.  And Caveman got a chance to spend a lot of time with Lindzi and her horses.

"...the horse knows the way...!"  -- The "happy couple" struggled to
remember the words to "Jingle Bells" while riding together

Lindzi's parents seemed like a lot of fun and nice.  But what I really wanted to know was what the heck does this guy do for a living to live on such a beautiful ranch???!!

If Caveman were smart, he'd realize that you can marry more money in five minutes than you can make in a lifetime.

Caveman and Lindzi put on goofy hats and re-enacted the chariot race scene from Ben Hur.

Ben was smart and lost the chariot race to Lindzi's parents.  Even though losing made him have to pull Lindzi's parents' cart back to the house, it was worth it because they accepted him into the "fam" and told him he was always welcome to come back.

I thought it was obvious that Caveman had always liked Lindzi.  What was surprising was how he kept on emphasizing how far his


Kacie B.

Kacie B. Has Always Seemed to Have a Connection With Caveman

Caveman went to the great state of Tennessee for his date with Kacie B.  Kacie B. showed Caveman that she really knew how to make an entrance by greeting him with a marching band, a 21 gun salute, and a key to the city.

76 Trombones?  Kacie B.'s greeting for Caveman would have
done Professor Harold Hill proud.

Actually, only the first part was true (the marching band), but it was impressive nonetheless.  But then Kacie B. had to do something impressive before she dropped a mini-bomb on Caveman by telling him that her dad: (a) was a federal probation officer; and (b) doesn't drink.

Ben realized that this could be a problem because (a) Caveman is a wine maker whose business is booze and (b) he realized that Kacie B.'s dad probably carries a gun and knows how to use it.  It's enough to give any "marriage-minded" Neanderthal pause...

Kacie B. told her sister: "I'm doing what I want now!"

Kacie B. told us how she needed her sister's advice and counsel.  Then she went ahead and kinda sounded like a petulant child when Kacie B. declared that she was going to do what she wanted.  And further demanded that her parents trust her.  It all seemed a bit forced.

"Not a Believer" -- Kacie B.'s Dad is "very skeptical"

Caveman left his conversation with Kacie B.'s dad unsure of whether Kacie B.'s dad liked him.  Caveman, here's a tip...I don't think he did.  Caveman hoped at least that Kacie B.'s mom would be a little easier on him.  She wasn't.

Caveman is blown away when he finds out Kacie B.'s mom
would not approve of Kacie B. and Ben "shacking up" before the wedding...

Caveman lied through his teeth when he said that he was "glad" that Kacie B.'s parents "cared" enough to tell him not to live with their daughter before getting married.  Caveman thought that they were too over-protective of their daughter.  I actually found them a little refreshing that they didn't buy into all the Bachelor craziness.

Did anyone else notice that Caveman never actually promised that he would respect their wishes.  It seems like Caveman surrendered at that point in time--admitting to the confessional camera that he doubted that he would ever get their approval.

Kacie B.'s dad then told Kacie B. that he would not give his blessing to Caveman.  My respect for federal law enforcement officers is getting stronger every day!

Kacie B.'s reluctance to listen to her parents made me think that she is not as bright as I thought that she was. Needless to say, Kacie B. finished the date with more doubts than she had when she started.

Red Flags Are Flying...

Kacie B., when your family doesn't like the guy you're dating it's called a "red flag."  You ought to pay attention to them...


Nicki

Nicki--Another Favorite

Nicki is another favorite, but I feel as though she's gotten a lot less air time than other contestants--even those who have left before.

Nicki is from Texas.  She tells the camera that the last time she "brought someone home under these circumstances, [she] married him."  I guess that didn't work out so well, did it Nicki?

Name the Movie: "Texas!  Only steers and [something else] come from Texas...."

Nicki dished some Texas wisdom and played Cinderella as they went shopping for boots and cowboy hats.

Nicki:  "Finding the right boot is very similar to finding the right partner in life--
you have to get just the right fit."

I have to say that Nicki looked pretty cute in a ten gallon hat.  But then again, she is pretty cute, has a thousand watt smile, and a fun personality.  In other words, she's way out of Caveman's league.  ;)

We kept hearing about her failing marriage before.  I think that Caveman actually liked hearing about it because it made him think that Nicki was opening up to him.

Honestly though, it doesn't seem like Caveman is as into Nicki as some of the other girls, but I could be wrong.

Okay, is it just me or does Nicki have a great, natural, beautiful smile?
Her parents probably spent a fortune with her orthodontist!

Nicki dreaded the talk with her parents.  Mom noted that Nicki seemed to have a better connection with Caveman than Nicki did with her first husband.  I would hope so!

Nicki's dad seems like a great guy.  He told Nicki that he felt like he had let her down by agreeing to the marriage too easily the first time.  You can tell that he really cares about her.  Both of them got a bit teary eyed when Dad told Nicki: "I feel like I want to protect you forever."

Nicki stole Caveman away at the end of the date to tell him that she was in love with him.  I think she really believes it.  Caveman, ever the poet, confessed to us: "I have great gut feelings about Nicki."  I think that might be the highest compliment that any Neanderthal could ever give!

Lord Voldemort aka "You Know Who"

Guess Which One Is a Model?

Courtney got the last date.  In full disclosure, I skipped her whole date to Tivo to the end of the show to see who got eliminated at the Rose Ceremony.  So if you want to skip my summary of the date, I don't blame you.

I can barely believe anything Courtney says.  She started off the date saying two things, however.  One of them was true...one of them was a lie.  You get to pick which was which!  (I promise it won't be too hard....)

• "I am so happy to come home and I get to share [my home] with my favorite guy today."
• "I'm just so happy to be away from the [other] girls too."

If you picked #1 above, I'll give you one more chance to guess right!  ;)

Courtney is from Scottsdale.  Did you know that she is a model?  Caveman reminds himself of that every day.    In the end, I think it's the only thing that matters to him.  He knows that Courtney has had problems with the other girls, he says it would bother him to choose someone who rubs other people the other way, but he will find a way to make it work dang it!

Breaking Bread...

At lunch, Courtney could barely say how she felt about Ben with a straight face.  She sounded like a total robot: "He is smart.  He is funny.  I am so happy.  I like/love him.  :| "  No wonder her family seems to have doubts.

But let's remind ourselves, Courtney's family has been dealing with her for a lifetime, so I don't think that they take her or Caveman too seriously.  Courtney's dad wants some grandkids.  He laughed as he said that.  I think he was thinking that the joke was on Caveman.  Dad knows that Courtney has no intention of making little cave grandbabies with Caveman.

What Bachelor Recap would be complete without Courtney's famous pose?

Then things got weird.  Courtney took Caveman to a mock wedding.  Let me just say that if some girl pulled this on me, I'd run.  Especially if she was a psycho model who liked to purse her lips quite a bit.  It seemed like Caveman ate it up though.

Not Romantic...Just Weird...

Courtney had them right their own vows for her mock ceremony.  Shockingly, Caveman's were much better than Courtney's vows.  Even though Courtney told him that she "loved" him.  (Don't worry Bachelor nation--I think her fingers were crossed behind her back.)

"Almost Married" -- I can't decide if this is cute or tacky...

The Rose Ceremony

This is a long post already, so I'm going to cut to the chase here.  Kacie B. got the boot.  Honestly, I think her parents' insistence that Kacie B. and Caveman not live together before marriage was the deciding factor.  Probably that and the fact that Kacie B.'s dad is packing heat.

I like Kacie B. and I thought that she handled her departure with class.  Technically, she broke Brooke's rule. (See Rule #5...)  But it didn't bother me--I think the raw emotion seemed very real to me.

Kacie B. Struggles to Hold It In

In the limo, Kacie B. started going off.  Here is the transcript:

"It's not me.  I thought it was me.  I was stupid.  Why am I not good enough?  Like I don't get it.  This is why I don't love.  This is why.  I loved him.  And I don't know what to do now.  How did this happen?  What the *bleep* happened?  WHAT THE *bleep* HAPPENED?"

Caveman--ever the class act--got back to the girls and said: "Um...that was tough.  I'm kinda at a loss for words."  Then he proceeded to gush about how they were going to Switzerland next week.

Yeah Caveman, I don't think you really thought it was that tough to get rid of Kacie B.  Even if it did, I'm sure you'll push through it...sadly.

See you all next Monday!