The Parable of the Paint Tarp

Today is significant not just because it is Mother's Day, but also because it marks the 10th anniversary of an event that has become legendary in our family.

10 years ago today, J. celebrated her first "official" Mother's Day.  R. was about 6 months old and we had moved into the first house we'd ever owned (a small townhome in Virginia) about two months before.  Because I was in my first year of my career following grad school, we didn't have a lot of extra money lying around and what little we did have had been spent to put a down payment on our house and to buy some furnishing to help J. make our house "cute."

I thought that J. had done a great job with the house, but one thing that really bothered her were the white walls.  She really wanted to paint them.  Naively, perhaps, in retrospect, I figured that painting was something that we could do ourselves.  And by "ourselves," I really mean that it was something that I could do.

So Mother's Day rolled around and I can't remember exactly what I got for J.  I'm sure that there was a card with a heartfelt written message and probably some flowers.  (I don't think she had banned me from buying her flowers yet...)  But I do remember what the main present was...I got her a plastic paint tarp.

Mother's Day circa 2002

Before you judge me...let me clarify.  I didn't actually mean that I was giving J. a $3 piece of plastic sheeting.  I had been reluctant to commit to the painting project--in part because of the cost, but mostly because I knew what a HUGE job it would be.  So the painter's tarp was a symbolic gift--kind of like a parable if you will.  I was really giving her a gift of myself--I would commit to paint the house myself.

The Tidal Basin in Washington D.C.

And paint I did.  It took hours.  I remember coming home on a Friday from work in downtown D.C. and prepping and painting.  The first coat literally took all night.  I painted until the darkened night sky had been replaced by the early morning glow of the rising sun.  Then I got some sleep, let the first coat dry, and started on the second coat on Saturday afternoon/evening.  (Luckily, the second coat is always easier to do.)

I think it took about three weekends like that--dozens of hours--for me to complete that first level.  I was glad to have that project in my rear view mirror, I can assure you.

The controversy, however, springs from the fact that J. has never forgiven me for giving her that paint tarp.  To her, the paint tarp was not about what it represented (dozens of hours and her psychic well-being of enjoying freshly painted walls that added to the "cuteness" of our home).  Nope, the paint tarp was just a paint tarp.  And I am the crappy husband who thought a paint tarp was an adequate Mother's Day prize for a first time mother.

Feel free to ask J. about this "incident" next time you see her.  She'll love to re-tell the tale!  And I have to admit, when J. tells the story, it is hilarious.  But then again, J. has never been one to let the facts get in the way of a good story. 

I  maintain that giving J. the concept that lay behind the paint tarp was a good idea.  In the words of the legendary broadcaster, Ron Burgundy, J. and I have had to "agree to disagree" on this topic.  But I have learned my lesson and never repeated my mistake of giving J. a paint tarp on any occasion.  (The next house that we moved into, I hired J.'s brother to come paint for us before we moved in.)

Ron Burgundy:  "I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you...
Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago."

I have a few things this year (both tangible and intangible) for J. to honor her as the mother of my children.  I can't imagine anyone who would do a better job raising them and I'm glad that J. has willingly given up her "lucrative" career as a CES employee to be a full-time mom.  

I hope that J. likes what she got from me this year for Mother's Day.  I just wish that I felt that her prizes this year were as cool as that paint tarp that I gave her 10 years ago.  Even though I know that I won't get any grief from her for this year's crop of gifts, deep down I still feel like the paint tarp was a better present.

UPDATE:  I had J. review this post prior to posting.  She laughed while reading it.  I think that's a good sign.  She did want me to add the following point.  Apparently, the paint tarp that I gave her was still in the Home Depot plastic bag.  She also claims the receipt was in the bag.  (I told you that the story is a lot funnier when she tells it...)  


The plastic bag part sounds about right.  I'm known for my "awesome" gift-wrapping skills in my family.  For example, my traditional Christmas wrapping job involves sticking the present in a brown paper grocery bag. After all, it's the thought that counts, isn't it?


I can't confirm or deny that the receipt was in the bag, but if it was, I was probably just thinking ahead in case she wanted to return it???  (Please keep in mind that she didn't!)


It's also worth noting that the passage of a decade has done nothing to dull the bitterness of that moment.  She provided the following quote for this post: "I got a plastic tarp for Mother's Day."  But when she says it, it's said completely straight-faced.


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Since I'm doing an update, I thought I'd share one more anecdote from this weekend...


While I was at the triathlon this weekend, I got a call from J.  Apparently, our daughter (E.) had yanked on a  towel in our bathroom and had managed to pull the whole towel hook right out of the wall!  (Our kids are strong!)

Poor little E. was so sad!  I didn't want J. to have to look at a big ugly whole in the wall every day especially when the baby is due so soon, so I called Brother Robles from the ward and had him come over yesterday to fix it!  Best money I ever spent!  =o)

Great work Brother Robles!

J. always likes to get a bunch of gifts, and if truth be told, I kinda meant for this to be one of multiple gifts that I got for her this year.  But after the Paint Tarp incident, there is no way that I'd ever try and tell her that I "gave" her a home improvement project as a gift. I'd never hear the end of it!


Happy Mother's Day J.!  I hope you're enjoying your nap!!

The kids hard at work on their Mother's Day cards